you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
