This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
