Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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