I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
