I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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