Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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