A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
