sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
