Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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