Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
