so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
