HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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