so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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