Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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