so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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