I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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