You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
