He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
