Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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