It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
