it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
