Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
