we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
