The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
