Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
