So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Pooping to opera.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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