I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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