We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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