Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
