u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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