I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
