just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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