Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
