I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
