You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
