you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
