High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
