Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
