11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
