I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
