wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
