just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
