Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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