nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
