Please, let me fuck your mom
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
