I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
