Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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