So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
