The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
