You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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