he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is Oprah even human
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
