i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
