I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
