i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
