Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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